routine

well, my word for today is organization (which makes sense as today is the eve of a new year and new decade). i would like for my life to become more stream-lined and routine than it currently is. the way for me to do that is to get organized and set mini-goals to achieve during the year. last year, i took on way too many new things that i wanted to change/improve (you can see the list here), so several of this year's resolutions are repeats or revisions.

"If we allow God to prune us more often by His Word, we avoid a portion of our pruning through circumstances." ~Beth Moore

1.) read one chapter of the new testament each weekday
2.) teach my children to pray more deliberately, and pray more purposefully for my children
3.) spend 30 minutes a day PLAYING with my kids (board games, card games, outside)
4.) call my brother and sister once a week, leaving a message for them counts
5.) write a letter (or card) once a month and MAIL it to my grandparents
6.) continue to work on my '35 things by 35' list (found here)
7.) make 2 nights a week be meatless meals by april 30
8.) continue using the 'couch to 5k' program and run a 10k with my friend amy by august 1
9.) make time for my vanity everyday, including using a face moisturizer and wearing mascara
10.) take a 'girl's vacation' with just my mom, sister and sister-in-law
11.) finish painting the boys' room by february 15, living room by july 31, the dining room (with new wainscoting) by october 1
12.) release more books than i receive (yeah as a review website owner, that one is VERY ambitious, but you gotta start somewhere, right? *wink*)

i'd also like to be more aware of why i like myself and the good things i have to offer my friends, which will likely be january's post. lol.

what do you want in 2010?

countdown to thanksgiving

i got started late, but each day on facebook, i said one thing i was grateful for. here is my list:

1. my brother and his wife (and my sister)
2. that my children get along with their cousins
3. BOOKS!!!
4. my crockpot
5. hot apple cider
6. that i was born an american
7. veterans
8. that my belief in God gives me purpose and peace
9. the computer
10. internet
11. fireplaces on a snowy night
12. my friends
13. eating out/restaurants
14. card games
15. knitting
16. making new friends and reconnecting with old ones
17. healing medicine
18. the bible
19. k-love and other christian radio stations
20. art made by my children
21. that i am college-educated
22. mechanics
23. flowers
24. alcohol :)
25. pets
26. my extended family
27. my hard-working husband (!!!)
28. my husband's job
29. mafia wars
30. a thick skin

what are thankful for this year?

gratitude - join me on the journey

my friend, jason, posted this on his blog at few months ago and it has been mulling in my mind ever since. it is profound and wise, but that is not why it has stuck with me. it has stuck with me because of one reason. gratitude. jason has an attitude of gratitude even during the negative things that happen in our lives. so often we pray for a way around the pain, instead of a way through it. you, Lord Jesus, are the way through it and i am grateful for the heartache you have shown me. it allows me to better appreciate the wonderful, glorious peace you share with me.

***
I can not prevent a broken heart, for in doing so, I would prevent you from experiencing love.

I can not prevent a scraped knee, for in doing so, I would prevent you from climbing new heights.

I can not prevent a wounded ego, for in doing so, I would prevent you from becoming a humble leader.

I can not prevent a fear of the unknown, for in doing so, I would prevent you from overcoming fear and living life one step at a time into the unknown.

I can not prevent an uncomfortable silence, for in doing so, I would prevent you from seeing the danger of comfort.

I can not prevent a hurtful insult, for in doing so, I would prevent you from finding your identity is not rooted in what others say.

I can not prevent a few wrong turns, for in doing so, I would prevent you from discovering a better way.

I can not prevent an awkward moment, for in doing so, I would prevent you from realizing you are wonderfully, and utterly, human.

I can not prevent an embarrassing situation, for in doing so, I would prevent you from learning to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously.

I can not prevent occasions of doubt, for in doing so, I would prevent you from unlocking what it means to have faith.

from: http://www.jasonsalamun.com/2009/06/for-my-monkeyboy-and-my-pretty-pumpkin/

NaNoWriMo

i am joining the 'national novel writing month' community this year.

i have no idea what i am doing. i will probably tell instead of show. i will be awkward. clumsy. inept. my plot will have holes and my setting will suck. my characters will lack dimension. all in all, the finished product will be laughable.

but i *will* follow thru and write.

wish me luck.


"Some things you have to do every day. Eating seven apples on Saturday night instead of one a day just isn't going to get the job done." ~Jim Rohn

sunshine

well, good bye sunshine. hello cold. i am sad to see the leaves falling off the trees because that means the days will soon become shorter and darker.

it's been busy. so much has happened, both good and bad. i'm not sure i want to talk about it yet, but i just wanted to stop by and let you know i was alive. i changed the name of my blog to 'one word at a time' because that is what i am feeling right now. i am sure at some point i will change the name back to 'thanks and praise'. until then, the one word i am focusing on right now is *seek*.

see you when i have more to say.

35 things by 35

here are some things i want to do before i turn 35:

1. read the entire bible once a year - *CHECK*
2. read 4 'classics' a year
-emma, lord of the flies, paradise lost, a tale of two cities, my antonia
-the great gatsby, jane eyre, robinson crusoe, treasure island
-gulliver's travels, adventures of huck finn, walden and civil disobedience, the old man and the sea
3. re-read 'watership down' - *CHECK*
4. write a hand-written note once a week for three months and mail it off
5. publish a christian children's book - *written, not published yet*
6. start a once-a-month girl's night out group - *CHECK*
7. exercise 3 times a week... starting now - *CHECK*
8. run a 15k - *CHECK*
9. train myself to sleep on my back instead of my side
10. take a ballroom dancing lesson
11. take a decorating class
12. take a pottery-making class
13. take a photography class (and buy a 'good' camera)
14. take my mom to a scrapbooking-weekend-convention-type-thing - *CHECK*
15. finish the scrapbook on my dad's life
16. refinish the guest bedroom dresser
17. make a quilt
18. make a fort/playhouse for the boys behind the garage - *CHECK*
19. learn to play one song on the guitar
20. learn to make curry - *CHECK*
21. find one thing i *like* to bake (signature dish) - *CHECK*
22. can homemade pickles
23. grow strawberries in my garden - *CHECK*
24. furnish our outdoor patio - *CHECK*
25. teach the boys to ski - *CHECK*
26. convince hubby we need a dog - *CHECK*
27. go sailing
28. go camping with tyler and rachel at hart ranch - *CHECK*
29. go visit scotty and laura frances in missouri
30. go to the grand canyon
31. go on a cruise (10-year anniversary is coming up *grin*)
32. go tour the vatican city with my husband
33. meet my sports idol seth smith and get his autograph - *CHECK*
34. become a mentor
35. work on a political campaign

memory lane

as i took first day of school pictures this morning, i got a little lump in my throat. my babies are gone and in their place are little men.

my sister-in-law just had a baby girl and i held her when she was only two days old. she was the exact same weight as football when he was born. it was hard to remember that he used to be that tiny. eight pounds is a big baby, but so small compared to the size that the boys are now. i have to strain to remember those little hands on my boys. you know, it wasn't all that long ago that they were sleeping in cribs and wearing pajamas with cute attached feet. it wasn't all that long ago that i was a mom to preschoolers learning numbers and shapes and the alphabet. it wasn't all that long ago that i imagined them at school all day so i could have some peace. now i wish for them to be back home, to need me more.

watching children grow up is sometimes like looking at a rock. typically, there is nothing that neat about rocks. maybe some have an unusual shape or color or texture that draws your eye, but most are just ordinary. average. dull. something that you walk right on by without noticing. ...until you stop to actually *look*. to reflect. then you find rare and beautiful and precious treasure in rocks.

much like the rocks we pass by without taking the time to see, i forget i need to stop and savor the ordinary moments of watching my kids grow up. i get too caught up in the daily here-and-now, of instructing them to become Godly men. some moments may stand out as funny or original or 'memory-worthy', but most just pass by without conscious thought. most pass by without me realizing what a blessing it is to watch them do mundane, average, everyday things.

they will be grown and gone before i am ready. right now is just a fleeting blink of history that will soon be forgotten if i don't make the effort to remember; their smiles, their words, their expressions, their joy.

a love letter

august is the month i met my husband. august is the month i married my husband. so, it is only appropriate that in august i profess my love to my husband, bfp.

there is a movie (the wedding date) with the quote, 'i think i'd miss you even if we'd never met.' when i heard it, i sighed. my heart sighed. i sighed again. because i completely understood this quote. i have the kind of love some people search their whole lives for.

the second i met bfp, i KNEW. i looked at him and i couldn't breathe. i knew he was my soulmate, my other half, the one that completes me and fills me up. i fell in love with him in an instant.

almost twelve years later, i was not wrong. i still love looking at him. i still love talking to him. i still love holding his hand. i still love to just sit by his side and be. i would miss this even if i had never met him. i would know that there was something missing from my life without him in it.

bfp, i am so thankful that we belong together, that i belong with you. i am so thankful that i don't know what it's like to miss you. thank you, God, for bfp.

the burden of a blessed life

my kids are always complaining because life is unfair; somebody always has something better and they are doing without. i always say, 'son, the number one thing i want to teach you is that life *is* unfair. get used to it.' they are not happy with that response... and up until now, i can't say that i blame them. by saying it that way, it gives them nothing to look forward to.

when my boys think about things being unfair, it is usually as a negative trait. they don't think about how unfair it is that they have things that someone else doesn't: toys, clothes, food, freedom, smarts, abundance; they think about the things they lack: bigger toys, better clothes, different food, more freedom, etc. i can relate to their complaint because i used to think it too. sometimes i wondered what makes one person 'lucky' and another person not?

now, my perspective of unfairness is radically different. unfairness isn't something to lament about; it is something to praise. why?

a friend said "i am glad life is not fair. grace is not fair."

wow!! those are life-changing words. he meant, of course, that we do not deserve grace and yet receive it anyway. unfairness = a blessing. it really touched me and got me thinking.

what if the world were 'fair'? what if we got what we deserved? what if karma were real and not just an idea used to cope with the unworthy prospering instead of us? what if we had to face how unworthy WE are?

which got me to thinking even more. what do we do with the blessing that we are given? if grace is handed to us even though we don't deserve it, do we have an obligation to do something with it?

as christians, we carry a burden because we don't get what we deserve. furthermore, we KNOW we don't deserve the grace we are shown. there are many people out there right now (maybe even reading this blog, if i may flatter myself) that think just being a 'good' person is enough. that think good things will happen to them because they are 'good'. that question why bad things happen to 'good' people.

life IS unfair. that is an unarguable fact.

we know that as 'good' as those people are, they are never good enough. they fall short because of sin. the sin they commit will cause suffering. it is awesome that God's answer to suffering was... suffering. God took away our suffering through his own.

we carry a responsibility because we live a blessed life. we need to share God's grace with everyone that we can. it doesn't take 'luck' to receive grace, all it takes is belief and for us to share it with them. it is hard to think of 'unfair' in a positive way when our life seems to be going to crap and someone else is getting something bigger, better, or nicer than us. just because the unfairness doesn't FEEL like a blessing, doesn't make it any less true.

from now on, instead of thinking about life being unfair in negative terms, i am going to be content with the fact that life is unfair. because i was given grace.

Godly judgement in human form

an acquaintance and i got into a small disagreement, and she said the words that all christians dread hearing: 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone'. argh! that is so frustrating to be in a debate and have a person throw this up! because unless you want to be seen as a hypocrite, you must immediately back off and concede any point you were trying to make. i hate that! (especially when i'm right. lol.)

just having a strong opinion is enough to be called 'judgemental', no matter what the opinion is about. i hate that too! we are not called to bend with the wind and find everything permissible. plus, i found it really ironic that she was 'judging' me for being 'judgemental' (though, of course, that didn't bother her).

i admit that i do occasionally need the reminder to not judge a person's actions, or i access someone too harshly, or question if they are 'really' following Christ. i am loud. i am opinionated. and i sometime talk without thinking. sometimes, my opinions can get the best of me because i have such a strong sense of justice, and i'm not so much about mercy (thank you, God, that you are perfect in dispensing both justice and mercy to us). however, this was not one of those times when i needed to examine myself. so how could i go on trying to make a point without seeming 'judgemental' and a hypocrite? (i still don't know.) but really, is judgement such a bad thing?

the complicated answer is... yes and no (yeah, you knew that was coming). yes, judgement can be wrong if it comes with CONDEMNATION or a feeling of superiority, but God DEMANDS us to 'judge' or evaluate the actions of others and not participate if it is a sin.

synonyms for judgement include assessing, discern, appraisal, critic, review, evaluator, expert, authority, connoisseur, rate, rank, conclude, resolve; as well as criticize, belittle, and condemn.

while looking up bible verses related to judgement, i found this little gem in proverbs 31:9, 'open your mouth and JUDGE righteously...', showing that we are called to use sound judgement around others (the rest of the verse is talking about standing up for the poor and those who can not stand up for themselves) and to verbalize/speak up for what we KNOW is right, according to biblical principals. hebrews 5:14 states, 'but solid food belongs to the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.', the meaning of which is pretty clear to me. how can we know good from evil if we do not use judgement and use our judgement often?

other verses i found supporting 'judging' are (and i'm sure there are others out there):

**1 kings 3:9 - 'so give your servant a discerning mind so he can make judicial decisions for your people and distinguish right from wrong. otherwise no one is able to make judicial decisions for this great nation of yours.'

**proverbs 1:2 - 'to learn wisdom and moral instruction, and to discern wise counsel.'

**hosea 14:9 - 'who is wise? let him judge these things! who is discerning? let him understand them! for the ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them, but in them the rebellious stumble.'

**luke 12:56-57 - 'you hypocrites! you know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky, but how can you not know how to interpret the present time? and why do you not even on your own initiative judge what is right?' (this is direct anger about not analyzing our surroundings)

**john 7:24 - 'stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment.' (meaning that there is a right and a wrong choice)

**leviticus 19:15 - 'do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly.'

i found a few good articles as well and i would like to share them with you (they include additional scriptures and logical rationale). i hope you enjoy them and they help you when faced with the daunting 'judge not, lest you be judged' argument.

http://searchwarp.com/swa7061.htm (pay special attention to the referance of 1 corinthians 5)

http://provocativechristian.wordpress.com/2009/04/06/provocative-bible-verses-judge-not-lest-you-be-judged/

http://bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Topical.show/RTD/cgg/ID/1018/Judging-Others.htm


Lord, i pray to be humble when judging others for i know i am full of faults. grant me the wisdom neccessary to be Your discerning servant. amen

perfect motivation

motivation.

this has been on my mind a lot lately because i have been (hmmm... what's a nice way to say this? well... i'll go with) UNmotivated. yeah, slug would probably fit better, but i'm being kind to myself. i have not gotten much done. i have no ambition. i am unorganized. i have not wanted to clean. or cook. or even spend time on my hobbies. *sigh* can you relate?

it is bugging me. A LOT.

i don't know what my problem is. actually, i do, but i haven't wanted to examine the reason too closely. do i have a lot going on? sure. but no more than anyone else. being busy is a part of life. am i bored? no, not really. am i just 'lazy'? ouch! i hope that is not it. :)

oh, wait... am i waiting for everything to be perfect? yep, that might be it! perfectionism is debilitating. it is stopping me from enjoying time with my children; it is stopping me from getting things around the house accomplished. it is stopping me from even starting.

i am exposing myself and sharing this with you because it has got to stop. i need some motivation. i want to get things done. i do. i dont want to wait until the 'perfect' time and realize that i have not been a good steward of the time i was given.

i know i should 'just do it'; i can't. i am in a rut. i need some help.

i don't even have any words for you, Lord, but you know the longings of my heart. help me please to find joy in completing my work. give me satisfaction in my chores and motivation to work. thank you Father.


"No one will ever see me quit, because I simply won't. If I start something, I will finish it and do it well." ~Steve Belmarsh

happy birthday to me!

my birthday is later this month (but really, i consider the whole month mine. lol). here is a list of 31 things that i love/am grateful for/appreciate/make me happy for the (almost) 31 years i've lived:

1. worshipping my God and Creator
2. paul
3. evan and ryan
4. my extended family
5. my new wedding ring that i am not allergic to :D


6. all things summer - strawberry shortcake, lemonade, picking fresh fruit like watermelon and raspberries, making s'mores, camping, reading while on a boat, the smell of lilacs and cut grass, butterflies, the sun, clothes air drying on the line, bare feet, going to baseball games
7. facebook
8. my nickname from college, minie
9. when my children crawl into my bed in the morning and want to snuggle, even though they are getting older
10. knowing that there is eternal life in heaven! praise God for that!
11. the memories I can share with my children of my parents and grandparents, and the boys getting to spend time with them to create memories of their own
12. taking 'olde time' photos
13. stone churches with tall stained-glass windows; cast iron bathtubs on hardwood floors
14. going to lowe's to look at paint chips
15. the pleasure of singing a lullaby to my kids to calm them down and/or put them to sleep - evan's is "amazing grace" and ryan's is "as the deer"
16. skiing (although i never get to go anymore, i still love it), especially on days the pine trees are covered with ice
17. big bulky warm sweaters
18. fireplaces
19. my life verse (proverbs 31:30) - charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
20. comedians from 'blue collar radio' that make me laugh
21. my computer
22. grease 2, the notebook, steel magnolias
23. the vastness of the universe (and knowing that God was the very first scientist)

24. the immeasurable awe of having a Savior who not only hears my prayers but answers them
25. ruth chris steakhouse
26. sleepytime tea
27. eating warm chocolate chip cookies with milk right before bed
28. dancing to music from the 80s and 90s... you know: baby got back, cotton-eyed joe, funky cold medina, thriller, vanilla ice, etc :p
29. having a husband who is my very best friend and hanging out with him
30. friends the Lord has brought across my path
31. honeysuckle bushes

and a bonus couple, just because: richard marx, sauerkraut, books about dragons and vinegar-based cleaning supplies. :) have a great june everyone!

pay it forward

i got this from my old high school friend's blog and couldn't resist (as i am a sucker for both gift-making and gift-giving). please make sure i have a way to contact you if you sign up. thanks!

{The Rules}

1. Be one of the first THREE (3) bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me - something crafty or yummy, who knows?!

2. Winners must post this challenge on their blog, meaning that they will Pay It Forward, creating a handmade gift -anything!- for the first 3 bloggers who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!

3. The gift that you send to your 3 friends can be from any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts. And remember: It’s the Spirit and the Thought that Counts!

4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing appropriate Linky Love!

If you are not one of the Top 3 Commenters on this post, you can still play along. Go ahead and start your own Pay It Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same.

REMEMBER... Pay it forward!

2, 4, 6, 8, who do i appreciate?

with mother's day over, i have been pondering about appreciation, who we appreciate and the large and small ways we show them our appreciation.

who should we appreciate? who is it that helps us, guides us, cares for us? most people think: our family, certainly. our friends and neighbors, sure. teachers and co-workers, probably. strangers and community? maybe. but our enemies? i think not. a higher 'power'? blank stare. i wonder, can we appreciate people we disagree with or maybe even hate?

how should we show appreciation? with words... gestures... gifts... admiration... sacrifices... wait. sacrifices? hmmm. i'll have to think about that. :) no really, how can we show we appreciate something that we despise? or how do we appreciate something that is based on faith and never seen?

how often should we show our appreciation? yearly; monthly; weekly; daily; hourly; every minute? are we even capable of being appreciative on a daily, hourly or minutely basis? does repetition 'water down' the sentiment or get annoying? and if does, should we still do it anyway? how can we be appreciative even when things are going badly?

i don't claim to have all the answers. not even close. this is something that i struggle with - i struggle to show appreciation, especially when i am unhappy. i struggle to be grateful for the different personalities in my family. i struggle to praise God when i don't understand His reasoning. i struggle. a lot.

here is a list of people i want to show my appreciation to on a minutely basis:
God
my husband
my oldest son
my youngest son
my parents

mother's day is once a year, but mom's never stop being mom's. same with father's day. same with grandparent's day and teacher appreciation day and secretary's day and national friendship day. you get the idea. but does setting aside a day to be thankful adequately show your gratitude? what of the people that you appreciate that don't have a day set aside for them? for example, there is no seperate husband's day, or wife's day. there is no single person's day. there is no sibling day. there is no in-law's day. there is no neighbor's day or stranger's day. is God's day every sunday or on national prayer day or every day?

for me, the grand gestures of appreciation are easy. letters, gifts, time, even a home-cooked meal. it is the smaller gestures, the daily gestures, that i give me the most trouble. hanging on to my temper, obedience, sacrificing (there is that word again!) to make someone else happy. i always thought that small gestures were meant to be easy, it is implied by the name 'small'. *sigh*

in the bible, it says to pray without ceasing. it also gives us a model for our prayers that include gratitude. to be thankful without stopping? for me, that's easy when things are going well or when everyone is getting along. but to be appreciating during the bad times? what does that look like? what is the practical application of that? how can i incorporated that into my life?

i don't know... but i know i want to.

i'd love to hear your thoughts on appreciation. call me or email me or leave a comment.

death and taxes

both easter and april 15th have passed, representing the joke about only 2 constants in life - death and taxes.


easter is about death, the death of our Lord and Savior. how gracious and obedient he was to die on the cross for me. but easter is about more than Jesus' death, it is about how he rose from the grave and lives again. he was once dead, but is now risen. he took my sin upon himself so that i may be seen by God as pure and holy. i rejoice and find comfort in that.


easter is about death, the death of my father. it has been a little over one year since we got the news of his death sentence and i celebrate that he is still alive and feeling well. i am thankful for this opportuity to introduce my dad to a loving and faithful God. i pray for him to welcome Jesus into his heart and life. God is so merciful to give him this extra time.


easter is about death, the death of bad habits. during lent, i gave up something i find joy and pleasure in - eating out. it was hard to acknowledge why eating out meant so much to me (i used it as a sign of prosperity). it was hard to ignore the convenience of fast food (and having to plan my meals). it was hard to kill a habit, but i made it, finding strength and insight during my fasting.


death brings so much clarity. death awakens us. it makes us think about ourselves differently. learning that Jesus died for me makes me feel more fervent and hopeful and precious. it makes me resolved to live my life to glorify his sacrifice.

death makes us all recognize the waste and antipathy that is going on around us. i thought it was very appropriate for the 'tax day tea parties' to occur right after easter. because knowing that after death comes new life, i can hope for a good change out of this protest.

if you don't know personally how our Lord died for you and rose again, you need to talk with the nearest pastor. he died for your sins to wipe them away as if they never happened! he loves you more than you can imagaine. he wants you to live beyond your physical death too.

and if you haven't researched the thought behind these tea parties, check out the above pictures. it was not about being anti-obama (although that's what the media tried to make it out to be). it was democrats, republicans, libertarians, independents; black, white, hispanic, asian; rich, poor, middle-class; young, old, middle-aged; men, women and children saying 'we have had enough'. enough of wasteful government spending and larger government involvement. enough of the growing sense of entitlement in this country. enough with lying politicians. enough antipathy.

iowa

i love connecting on facebook. :) it's highly addictive and quite time-consuming, but i love it. i hate phone calls, and post offices, so being able to say 'hi' from the comfort of my couch, in my pajamas, at midnight... well, i love it. so when i found an old friend from college on there, i was thrilled. i sent a friend request and waited impatiently for him to accept me. but he never did.

instead he sent me a letter asking if i was really his friend. because you see, he is gay. and i am a christian. and in his mind, never the 'twain shall meet. so i wrote him back. here is my letter:

"i am not, nor have i ever been, against people, gay or otherwise. i do believe acting on your homosexual desire is a sin, however it is no worse a sin than lying or stealing or cheating. all of which i think is horrible. but gosh, if that stopped me from being friends with a person, i'd be pretty lonely! ALL of my friends are sinners. i am a huge sinner.

but i can (and do) still love you ever if i don't agree with your choices. i hope you can love me even if you don't agree with mine. if you don't want to continue a friendship me because of my religious beliefs, it will make me sad; i knew you were gay when i sent the friend request to you. i have several gay friends (including you... i thought).

i acknowledge that you need to do what feels like it is right for you and if that means you can't accept my friendship because i disagree with this aspect of your life, i guess we always have the good times from college and i will continue to think of you fondly. friend, i pray for blessings and only good things to befall you and your partner."

he hit 'ignore'. it broke my heart a little bit, i think.

there is a huge difference between the person who is sinning and the sin itself. i still consider him my friend, even though he obviously doesn't feel that way about me. somehow, he has the idea that a friendship can only happen if i approve of his behavior, and that my disapproval meant i wasn't a true friend. how tragic. for both of us.

is it me? was my response too truthful for him to be my friend? because the truth is that i love him, sinner and all. i thought he would have remembered that about me; i don't shy away from the hard kind of love, the Godly love. i don't use God as a condemnation, because i fall way too short - my own sin is glaring and out there. luckily, God proved He loved me more than He cared about my sin (which doesn't excuse it, but puts our sin in perspective).

i thought my loving him would be enough for a friendship, even without my approval about a certain aspect of his life. it seems to be enough with other people i disagree with, such as my liberal and atheist, jewish and muslim friends. it is true that love isn't always enough, but i never expected it to happen with me.

or have other 'christians' seen his sin as something that somehow makes their own sin seem less, that being gay is a 'worse' sin than being a liar or being prideful? or because he is gay, it excuses them from loving him?

iowa has allowed gay marriage. it's going to be interesting to see how people react. will practicing Godly love matter? or will the disapproval be the only thing heard? will the perceived judgement (on both sides) break everyone's heart like this broke mine?

interview - the perspective of a kid :)

EVAN'S (little over 7) ANSWERS
1. What is something mom always says to you?
“Is that a toy?”

2. What makes mom happy?
“If I don't touch it when it's not mine.”

3. What makes mom sad?
“When I touch your stuff and break it.”

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
“Tickling.”

5. What was your mom like as a child?
“I don't know... Wore nice clothes?”

6. How old is your mom?
“Thirty.”

7. How tall is your mom?
“Five foot.”

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
“I don't know... What is your favorite thing to do?”

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
“Read a book.”

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
“I have NO idea.” (Really, kid? Thanks.)

11. What is your mom really good at?
“Sorry.”

12. What is your mom not very good at?
“Chess.”

13. What does your mom do for her job?
“You don't have a job.”

14. What is your mom’s favorite food?
“What is it?”

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
“Knitting a whole sweater.”

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
“I have no idea.”

17. What do you and your mom do together?
“Ususally, we just... we haven't done this for a long time... but we used to play UNO.”

18. How are you and your mom the same?
“We have the same skin.”

19. How are you and your mom different?
“Mom's older.”

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
“Because she says it ALL the time.”

21. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
“Luna's.”
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RYAN'S (almost 6) ANSWERS
1. What is something mom always says to you?
“I love you.”

2. What makes mom happy?
“When I be good.”

3. What makes mom sad?
“When I be bad.”

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
“By doing jokes.”

5. What was your mom like as a child?
“I don't know.”

6. How old is your mom?
“Eighteen.”

7. How tall is your mom?
“Fifteen feet.”

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
“Go on the computer.”

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
“Read books.”

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
“You'll be an artist.”

11. What is your mom really good at?
“Painting walls.”

12. What is your mom not very good at?
“Reading. *giggle* I'm making a joke.”

13. What does your mom do for her job?
“To clean up the rooms.”

14. What is your mom’s favorite food?
“I don't know... Salami?”

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
“Buying me a toy.”

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
“Word girl.”

17. What do you and your mom do together?
“Read books.”

18. How are you and your mom the same?
“I don't know.”

19. How are you and your mom different?
“We don't look the same.”

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
“Because you kiss me.”

21. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
“Chinese restaurant.” (Funny. I hate Chinese.)

my new year's resolutions

“It is always advisable to perceive clearly our ignorance.” ~Charles Darwin

here is my list of 2009 goals:
1.) read one chapter of the new testament each weekday
2.) pray daily for my father to accept salvation
3.) spend 60 minutes a day focusing on my kids’ needs (homework, board games, bedtime routine, etc), instead of being distracted (!!) or focusing on my own chores
4.) call my brother and sister once a week, must talk to them in person not just leave a message
5.) write a letter once a month and MAIL it to my grandparents
6.) make the 2009 budget ($200 more to local charities and food banks, discretionary spending cut of $400, save $200 more a month)
7.) take a photography class
8.) walk on the treadmill every day for at least 5 minutes; try to walk longer 2 or more days a week (up to an hour). consider doing the 'couch to 5k' program during the summer/fall
9.) cut eating out back to once a week or less by march 1
10.) weigh 128 by june 21 (my birthday), a weight loss of 18 pounds
11.) get a complete physical and start the process to have a new baby join our family by september 10 (adoption or experimental surgery)
12.) finish painting the main floor rooms by december 31