memory lane

as i took first day of school pictures this morning, i got a little lump in my throat. my babies are gone and in their place are little men.

my sister-in-law just had a baby girl and i held her when she was only two days old. she was the exact same weight as football when he was born. it was hard to remember that he used to be that tiny. eight pounds is a big baby, but so small compared to the size that the boys are now. i have to strain to remember those little hands on my boys. you know, it wasn't all that long ago that they were sleeping in cribs and wearing pajamas with cute attached feet. it wasn't all that long ago that i was a mom to preschoolers learning numbers and shapes and the alphabet. it wasn't all that long ago that i imagined them at school all day so i could have some peace. now i wish for them to be back home, to need me more.

watching children grow up is sometimes like looking at a rock. typically, there is nothing that neat about rocks. maybe some have an unusual shape or color or texture that draws your eye, but most are just ordinary. average. dull. something that you walk right on by without noticing. ...until you stop to actually *look*. to reflect. then you find rare and beautiful and precious treasure in rocks.

much like the rocks we pass by without taking the time to see, i forget i need to stop and savor the ordinary moments of watching my kids grow up. i get too caught up in the daily here-and-now, of instructing them to become Godly men. some moments may stand out as funny or original or 'memory-worthy', but most just pass by without conscious thought. most pass by without me realizing what a blessing it is to watch them do mundane, average, everyday things.

they will be grown and gone before i am ready. right now is just a fleeting blink of history that will soon be forgotten if i don't make the effort to remember; their smiles, their words, their expressions, their joy.

a love letter

august is the month i met my husband. august is the month i married my husband. so, it is only appropriate that in august i profess my love to my husband, bfp.

there is a movie (the wedding date) with the quote, 'i think i'd miss you even if we'd never met.' when i heard it, i sighed. my heart sighed. i sighed again. because i completely understood this quote. i have the kind of love some people search their whole lives for.

the second i met bfp, i KNEW. i looked at him and i couldn't breathe. i knew he was my soulmate, my other half, the one that completes me and fills me up. i fell in love with him in an instant.

almost twelve years later, i was not wrong. i still love looking at him. i still love talking to him. i still love holding his hand. i still love to just sit by his side and be. i would miss this even if i had never met him. i would know that there was something missing from my life without him in it.

bfp, i am so thankful that we belong together, that i belong with you. i am so thankful that i don't know what it's like to miss you. thank you, God, for bfp.