character building

it's lent!

i know that it's weird, but every year i look forward to giving something up for lent. sacrificing something that means something to me. testing my will-power and dedication. changing my habits. building my character.

and so it begins again today. as you all know, i love my facebook. it's the very best form of gossip. :) i spend about 3 hours a day on it, sometimes (depending on the day) more. for lent, i'm giving up my facebook time.

this one is going to be hard! harder than last year when i gave up eating out (even when we traveled). harder than the year before when i gave up tv. no more mafia wars. no more clever status updates. no more time suck. wish me luck please. or better yet, pray for me.

what are you doing for lent this year?

christmas letter

it's been a while since i've written a christmas letter (yes, i know it's past christmas and into a new year already). i think the last one i wrote was when football was 2. yikes! we normally send out a card and family picture - and if you're lucky, and we like you, there might be a few hand-written words on the back, such as: "we had a great year; busy. lots of changes. hope you and your family are healthy and look forward to seeing you soon. God bless you and keep you safe." (pithy, huh?) this year, nada. no letter, no picture, no card. it was kind of the christmas-that-wasn't. i thought i'd recap the year here instead.

it's been a busy year. lots of changes.

my dad's condition is the most notable change. it has been a roller coaster ride (and not the fun kind either). the beginning of the year was difficult and we prepared for the worst. he rallied and gave us a couple of good months that we made the most of. his health deteriorated slowly but steadily and he started home hospice in late september/early october. the day before thanksgiving, he ended up in the hospital because the pain was so intense and could not be controlled with the morphine or other drugs. it was a very somber holiday. two weeks later, we were all called home; it was time to say good-bye... but dad rallied again and he was still with us at christmas-time. we weren't sure he was going to make it that long, so we were pleased to have him with us. thank you, gracious, merciful God! we have been blessed with so much extra time with him.

we spent countless hours making memories with dad. we went up to spend time with him and mom, and when able, they came down to visit us. oh, the many, many hours we spent riding in the car! :) we took dad up to pikes peak and on the coors brewing tour. we went to 'hart ranch' over the summer and the new spearfish water park. dad went to a denver broncos game. dad and notme made birdhouses together. dad and mom celebrated another anniversary. it was a year packed full of love. one of the most wonderful things happened in the fall. dad accepted Jesus as his personal savior! it made me so happy; it is something i have been praying for.

mom is holding up as well as can be expected. she is so strong and does what has to be done without complaining. i admire her for that (and many other things). she and dad have some great and wonderful friends. they have been so helpful and supportive. what a blessing they are! i am so thankful for these ladies and men; they enriched our family so much last year. hospice has also been amazing. truly, these people are gifted with compassion. the comfort they give to dad and to us is indescribable. it is touching to know so many people care about my family and are there for my mom and dad. mom's sister and brothers (and their spouses) came out to visit at thanksgiving. it was great having everyone together and i know mom appreciated the time with them.

when not taking care of my dad, you could find me volunteering eight hours a week at the boys' school last year, which was fun and fulfilling. i participated in some great bible studies last year and read a lot of books (on a side note, the review site is doing well). i also started a new hobby. i began the 'couch to 5k' program in late june. it is a running program designed to get you from a couch potato to running 3.1 miles in 9 weeks. it took me much longer than 9 weeks, but imagine me. a. runner. it boggles the mind. :) i ran 2 5ks last year - one for breast cancer and one for prostate cancer. in 2008 i learned to knit, so i am happy to report a 2009 hobby that is a little less geeky. [what? i said 'little'.] another highlight of my year was attending a ton of baseball games at coors field with my family. i met my sports idol, seth smith, and got his autograph. upon meeting me, he fell a little bit in love with me (it's hard not too). i'm taken, so i had to break his heart. he took it well and we remain friends. great guy. ...okay, that only happened in my imagination, but still. it *could* happen. oh, and i really did meet him and get his autograph.

bfp had a stressful year at work. the westminster job ended (that job was a story in itself - ask him to tell you some time) and the economic downturn finally hit his company in the fall. bfp kept his job, but had several agonizing decisions to make. it was hard to watch the company, and him, struggle. luckily, both are doing much better now and bfp enjoys the challenges his job provides. thank you Lord, for this season of reforming and rebuilding. bfp spent some time 'up the hill' playing poker in blackhawk. he really enjoys that (especially when he wins) and he's a pretty lucky guy. :) my brother and bfp went deer hunting together last year. they both brought home our supper. he also went fishing with his brother and dad in mobridge, so we had a freezer full of fresh walleye. on top of his food-providing skills, he really enjoyed grilling and cooking for us. i think i am pretty lucky too.

the boys are getting so mature. football is a second-grader and artist is in first. they both love school, and report card time is a happy time in our house. one day, football and i got in an argument about him wearing his coat to school. he came home in a bad mood and said 'i hate it when you are always right, mom'. (lol. this one knows the way to my heart.) over summer break we had lots of adventures including horseback-riding, camping and 'water world', but both of them were excited for school to start back up in august. they were enrolled in art lessons, which artist just loved. that kid has some *talent*, but boy, do we go thru paper. :) we joined boy scouts last year and they love it. as you can see, they keep us busy. i keep a blog about the humorous things they say over at http://fromfrogtoprince.blogspot.com/ if you want to follow along in our sometimes-funny family journey. we had a new addition to our family last year. cocoa, a chocolate labradoodle, joined us in december. she is so sweet. she loves going for walks and playing fetch with her ball. she brings lots of joy to this family.

of course, our year is not complete without a car accident or two. bfp's vehicle was side-swiped and mine was backed into while parked. it is a running joke in the family. we'll see which one is next this year. bets, anyone?

speaking of cars, we did some traveling last year, taking the boys up into the mountains, over into nebraska, to the south dakota state fair, and off exploring the black hills. i went to arizona for a girls trip and paul went to vegas for a guys vacation. we spent some time in lovely casper for my younger brother's open heart valve replacement. (how awesome is God's timing? what other 25-year-old would have been able to have 3 months off work to spend time with his dying father?) he is back at work now [yay paycheck!] and feeling great. even though it sometimes felt like it, we weren't always gone; we stayed at home a bit too. we worked on those pesky house projects, fixing the balcony, doing minor cosmetic repairs, painting and some light landscaping. we planted blueberry and raspberry bushes, lilacs and cherry trees. we even had a couple of great nights spent with friends. the 'casa de wagner' bed and breakfast was as busy as ever on our weekends 'off'. one of these days, oprah is going to discover us (and how awesome at hosting we are) and then it's going to be really hard to make a reservation. :) until that time, here is your open invitation for 2010.

that was our 2009 in a nutshell. we hope you and your family are healthy and we look forward to seeing you soon. God bless you and keep you safe.

me, bfp, football, artist and cocoa

today i didn't...

keeping track of the positive things i do:
today i didn't... go out to eat for lunch (so tempting)

today i didn't... stop in walmart for those unnecessary things

today i didn't... ignore my kids when they got home from school

today i didn't... yell at my husband when i wanted to

today i didn't... put off walking on the treadmill


"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." - Robert Collier

identity (a.k.a. a list of the things i like about myself)

i'm insecure. there, i said it. and it feels really good to have that out in the open. my self-esteem is like a wavy line with hundreds of crests and valleys each month. as an insecure person, i sometimes forget my own value. there are things that the bible promises me that i can count on. i am grateful to know that:

God made me in his image
God chose me
God loves me
God accepts me
God forgives me
God finds me important
God gives me His favor
God has a plan and purpose for me
God thinks i can do amazing things to glorify Him
God guards me
God will fight for me
God has victory in store for me

but in the day-to-day living of my life, sometimes those promises are not enough to chase away the blahs i get when a friend chooses to spend time with a different friend instead of me, or when my kids prefer to spend time with their dad because 'he's more fun', or when i think i wrote a hilarious facebook status and nobody comments on it (yes, it's sad, but sometimes my self-worth is connected to the number of people who respond to a facebook post). can anyone else relate? can i get an AMEN from the peanut galley?

since i like lists so much, i am going to take this space to write down what i like about myself (and come back here often to remind myself that i *am* everything God says i am).

1. i think i am witty
2. i have a wicked (and naughty) sense of humor
3. i like my laugh
4. my smile
5. i have beautiful top teeth
6. i am physically attractive (in a cutesy way)
7. i am a smartie (when someone asks 'what does ____ mean?', i know the answer)
8. i like to give gifts
9. i am romantic
10. i am thankful
11. i am (mostly) honest (we won't talk about how i like to steal dishes, silverware, salt and peper shakers, etc from restaurants, okay?)
12. i am a reader
13. i am curious about many things
14. i am knowledgeable about many things
15. i like to learn
16. if i set my mind to do it, i will do it
17. i am hardly ever helpless and i don't fall apart in a crisis
18. i have a strong faith
19. i am logical and not overly emotional
20. i am passionate in my causes
21. i am good with money
22. i am curvy *g* (with VERY good boobs)
23. i love easily and freely
24. i am good at forgiving
25. that i am a great freakin' cook
26. i love to try new food
27. i am a good friend
28. i get excited for others
29. i am a good motivator
30. i know what i like and what i don't (although when trying to be polite i tend to get wishy-washy)
31. that i like to cook and eat veggies
32. i am a supportive wife
33. that i want only good things for my sons
34. that i am not a huge shoe-lover (ummm, yes...the 'not' is supposed to be there)
35. i am crafty
36. i am good at decorating and picking paint for walls
37. i am a collector (of people AND things)
38. i am loyal
39. the great taste i have in men (i.e. my husband, my sons, my brother, my friends)
40. i am ambitious in my thoughts and dreams
41. i make decisions in an instant (and they are usually good decisions too)
42. i don't spend much time primping
43. i am obsessive and completely dedicated to whatever thing i am into at the time (i know hubby hates that, but i like it)
44. even though i would like to be thinner, my weight does not define me
45. i am conservative
46. i am fun to have at a party
47. employing correct grammar and punctuation (even if saying that will make you judge me for writing in all lowercase)
48. i am good at zee strategy and zee planning (okay, now i'm just talking all goofy-like)
49. i am goofy
50. i am a hugger
51. i am good at card games and board games
52. i am a gracious loser (in between all the smack talk. you might not recognize it. but i am. i swear.)

*check out http://www.kenboa.org/downloads/pdf/IdentityAffirmations2.pdf for more on who God says you are*

routine

well, my word for today is organization (which makes sense as today is the eve of a new year and new decade). i would like for my life to become more stream-lined and routine than it currently is. the way for me to do that is to get organized and set mini-goals to achieve during the year. last year, i took on way too many new things that i wanted to change/improve (you can see the list here), so several of this year's resolutions are repeats or revisions.

"If we allow God to prune us more often by His Word, we avoid a portion of our pruning through circumstances." ~Beth Moore

1.) read one chapter of the new testament each weekday
2.) teach my children to pray more deliberately, and pray more purposefully for my children
3.) spend 30 minutes a day PLAYING with my kids (board games, card games, outside)
4.) call my brother and sister once a week, leaving a message for them counts
5.) write a letter (or card) once a month and MAIL it to my grandparents
6.) continue to work on my '35 things by 35' list (found here)
7.) make 2 nights a week be meatless meals by april 30
8.) continue using the 'couch to 5k' program and run a 10k with my friend amy by august 1
9.) make time for my vanity everyday, including using a face moisturizer and wearing mascara
10.) take a 'girl's vacation' with just my mom, sister and sister-in-law
11.) finish painting the boys' room by february 15, living room by july 31, the dining room (with new wainscoting) by october 1
12.) release more books than i receive (yeah as a review website owner, that one is VERY ambitious, but you gotta start somewhere, right? *wink*)

i'd also like to be more aware of why i like myself and the good things i have to offer my friends, which will likely be january's post. lol.

what do you want in 2010?

countdown to thanksgiving

i got started late, but each day on facebook, i said one thing i was grateful for. here is my list:

1. my brother and his wife (and my sister)
2. that my children get along with their cousins
3. BOOKS!!!
4. my crockpot
5. hot apple cider
6. that i was born an american
7. veterans
8. that my belief in God gives me purpose and peace
9. the computer
10. internet
11. fireplaces on a snowy night
12. my friends
13. eating out/restaurants
14. card games
15. knitting
16. making new friends and reconnecting with old ones
17. healing medicine
18. the bible
19. k-love and other christian radio stations
20. art made by my children
21. that i am college-educated
22. mechanics
23. flowers
24. alcohol :)
25. pets
26. my extended family
27. my hard-working husband (!!!)
28. my husband's job
29. mafia wars
30. a thick skin

what are thankful for this year?

gratitude - join me on the journey

my friend, jason, posted this on his blog at few months ago and it has been mulling in my mind ever since. it is profound and wise, but that is not why it has stuck with me. it has stuck with me because of one reason. gratitude. jason has an attitude of gratitude even during the negative things that happen in our lives. so often we pray for a way around the pain, instead of a way through it. you, Lord Jesus, are the way through it and i am grateful for the heartache you have shown me. it allows me to better appreciate the wonderful, glorious peace you share with me.

***
I can not prevent a broken heart, for in doing so, I would prevent you from experiencing love.

I can not prevent a scraped knee, for in doing so, I would prevent you from climbing new heights.

I can not prevent a wounded ego, for in doing so, I would prevent you from becoming a humble leader.

I can not prevent a fear of the unknown, for in doing so, I would prevent you from overcoming fear and living life one step at a time into the unknown.

I can not prevent an uncomfortable silence, for in doing so, I would prevent you from seeing the danger of comfort.

I can not prevent a hurtful insult, for in doing so, I would prevent you from finding your identity is not rooted in what others say.

I can not prevent a few wrong turns, for in doing so, I would prevent you from discovering a better way.

I can not prevent an awkward moment, for in doing so, I would prevent you from realizing you are wonderfully, and utterly, human.

I can not prevent an embarrassing situation, for in doing so, I would prevent you from learning to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously.

I can not prevent occasions of doubt, for in doing so, I would prevent you from unlocking what it means to have faith.

from: http://www.jasonsalamun.com/2009/06/for-my-monkeyboy-and-my-pretty-pumpkin/

NaNoWriMo

i am joining the 'national novel writing month' community this year.

i have no idea what i am doing. i will probably tell instead of show. i will be awkward. clumsy. inept. my plot will have holes and my setting will suck. my characters will lack dimension. all in all, the finished product will be laughable.

but i *will* follow thru and write.

wish me luck.


"Some things you have to do every day. Eating seven apples on Saturday night instead of one a day just isn't going to get the job done." ~Jim Rohn

sunshine

well, good bye sunshine. hello cold. i am sad to see the leaves falling off the trees because that means the days will soon become shorter and darker.

it's been busy. so much has happened, both good and bad. i'm not sure i want to talk about it yet, but i just wanted to stop by and let you know i was alive. i changed the name of my blog to 'one word at a time' because that is what i am feeling right now. i am sure at some point i will change the name back to 'thanks and praise'. until then, the one word i am focusing on right now is *seek*.

see you when i have more to say.

35 things by 35

here are some things i want to do before i turn 35:

1. read the entire bible once a year - *CHECK*
2. read 4 'classics' a year
-emma, lord of the flies, paradise lost, a tale of two cities, my antonia
-the great gatsby, jane eyre, robinson crusoe, treasure island
-gulliver's travels, adventures of huck finn, walden and civil disobedience, the old man and the sea
3. re-read 'watership down' - *CHECK*
4. write a hand-written note once a week for three months and mail it off
5. publish a christian children's book - *written, not published yet*
6. start a once-a-month girl's night out group - *CHECK*
7. exercise 3 times a week... starting now - *CHECK*
8. run a 15k - *CHECK*
9. train myself to sleep on my back instead of my side
10. take a ballroom dancing lesson
11. take a decorating class
12. take a pottery-making class
13. take a photography class (and buy a 'good' camera)
14. take my mom to a scrapbooking-weekend-convention-type-thing - *CHECK*
15. finish the scrapbook on my dad's life
16. refinish the guest bedroom dresser
17. make a quilt
18. make a fort/playhouse for the boys behind the garage - *CHECK*
19. learn to play one song on the guitar
20. learn to make curry - *CHECK*
21. find one thing i *like* to bake (signature dish) - *CHECK*
22. can homemade pickles
23. grow strawberries in my garden - *CHECK*
24. furnish our outdoor patio - *CHECK*
25. teach the boys to ski - *CHECK*
26. convince hubby we need a dog - *CHECK*
27. go sailing
28. go camping with tyler and rachel at hart ranch - *CHECK*
29. go visit scotty and laura frances in missouri
30. go to the grand canyon
31. go on a cruise (10-year anniversary is coming up *grin*)
32. go tour the vatican city with my husband
33. meet my sports idol seth smith and get his autograph - *CHECK*
34. become a mentor
35. work on a political campaign

memory lane

as i took first day of school pictures this morning, i got a little lump in my throat. my babies are gone and in their place are little men.

my sister-in-law just had a baby girl and i held her when she was only two days old. she was the exact same weight as football when he was born. it was hard to remember that he used to be that tiny. eight pounds is a big baby, but so small compared to the size that the boys are now. i have to strain to remember those little hands on my boys. you know, it wasn't all that long ago that they were sleeping in cribs and wearing pajamas with cute attached feet. it wasn't all that long ago that i was a mom to preschoolers learning numbers and shapes and the alphabet. it wasn't all that long ago that i imagined them at school all day so i could have some peace. now i wish for them to be back home, to need me more.

watching children grow up is sometimes like looking at a rock. typically, there is nothing that neat about rocks. maybe some have an unusual shape or color or texture that draws your eye, but most are just ordinary. average. dull. something that you walk right on by without noticing. ...until you stop to actually *look*. to reflect. then you find rare and beautiful and precious treasure in rocks.

much like the rocks we pass by without taking the time to see, i forget i need to stop and savor the ordinary moments of watching my kids grow up. i get too caught up in the daily here-and-now, of instructing them to become Godly men. some moments may stand out as funny or original or 'memory-worthy', but most just pass by without conscious thought. most pass by without me realizing what a blessing it is to watch them do mundane, average, everyday things.

they will be grown and gone before i am ready. right now is just a fleeting blink of history that will soon be forgotten if i don't make the effort to remember; their smiles, their words, their expressions, their joy.

a love letter

august is the month i met my husband. august is the month i married my husband. so, it is only appropriate that in august i profess my love to my husband, bfp.

there is a movie (the wedding date) with the quote, 'i think i'd miss you even if we'd never met.' when i heard it, i sighed. my heart sighed. i sighed again. because i completely understood this quote. i have the kind of love some people search their whole lives for.

the second i met bfp, i KNEW. i looked at him and i couldn't breathe. i knew he was my soulmate, my other half, the one that completes me and fills me up. i fell in love with him in an instant.

almost twelve years later, i was not wrong. i still love looking at him. i still love talking to him. i still love holding his hand. i still love to just sit by his side and be. i would miss this even if i had never met him. i would know that there was something missing from my life without him in it.

bfp, i am so thankful that we belong together, that i belong with you. i am so thankful that i don't know what it's like to miss you. thank you, God, for bfp.

the burden of a blessed life

my kids are always complaining because life is unfair; somebody always has something better and they are doing without. i always say, 'son, the number one thing i want to teach you is that life *is* unfair. get used to it.' they are not happy with that response... and up until now, i can't say that i blame them. by saying it that way, it gives them nothing to look forward to.

when my boys think about things being unfair, it is usually as a negative trait. they don't think about how unfair it is that they have things that someone else doesn't: toys, clothes, food, freedom, smarts, abundance; they think about the things they lack: bigger toys, better clothes, different food, more freedom, etc. i can relate to their complaint because i used to think it too. sometimes i wondered what makes one person 'lucky' and another person not?

now, my perspective of unfairness is radically different. unfairness isn't something to lament about; it is something to praise. why?

a friend said "i am glad life is not fair. grace is not fair."

wow!! those are life-changing words. he meant, of course, that we do not deserve grace and yet receive it anyway. unfairness = a blessing. it really touched me and got me thinking.

what if the world were 'fair'? what if we got what we deserved? what if karma were real and not just an idea used to cope with the unworthy prospering instead of us? what if we had to face how unworthy WE are?

which got me to thinking even more. what do we do with the blessing that we are given? if grace is handed to us even though we don't deserve it, do we have an obligation to do something with it?

as christians, we carry a burden because we don't get what we deserve. furthermore, we KNOW we don't deserve the grace we are shown. there are many people out there right now (maybe even reading this blog, if i may flatter myself) that think just being a 'good' person is enough. that think good things will happen to them because they are 'good'. that question why bad things happen to 'good' people.

life IS unfair. that is an unarguable fact.

we know that as 'good' as those people are, they are never good enough. they fall short because of sin. the sin they commit will cause suffering. it is awesome that God's answer to suffering was... suffering. God took away our suffering through his own.

we carry a responsibility because we live a blessed life. we need to share God's grace with everyone that we can. it doesn't take 'luck' to receive grace, all it takes is belief and for us to share it with them. it is hard to think of 'unfair' in a positive way when our life seems to be going to crap and someone else is getting something bigger, better, or nicer than us. just because the unfairness doesn't FEEL like a blessing, doesn't make it any less true.

from now on, instead of thinking about life being unfair in negative terms, i am going to be content with the fact that life is unfair. because i was given grace.

Godly judgement in human form

an acquaintance and i got into a small disagreement, and she said the words that all christians dread hearing: 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone'. argh! that is so frustrating to be in a debate and have a person throw this up! because unless you want to be seen as a hypocrite, you must immediately back off and concede any point you were trying to make. i hate that! (especially when i'm right. lol.)

just having a strong opinion is enough to be called 'judgemental', no matter what the opinion is about. i hate that too! we are not called to bend with the wind and find everything permissible. plus, i found it really ironic that she was 'judging' me for being 'judgemental' (though, of course, that didn't bother her).

i admit that i do occasionally need the reminder to not judge a person's actions, or i access someone too harshly, or question if they are 'really' following Christ. i am loud. i am opinionated. and i sometime talk without thinking. sometimes, my opinions can get the best of me because i have such a strong sense of justice, and i'm not so much about mercy (thank you, God, that you are perfect in dispensing both justice and mercy to us). however, this was not one of those times when i needed to examine myself. so how could i go on trying to make a point without seeming 'judgemental' and a hypocrite? (i still don't know.) but really, is judgement such a bad thing?

the complicated answer is... yes and no (yeah, you knew that was coming). yes, judgement can be wrong if it comes with CONDEMNATION or a feeling of superiority, but God DEMANDS us to 'judge' or evaluate the actions of others and not participate if it is a sin.

synonyms for judgement include assessing, discern, appraisal, critic, review, evaluator, expert, authority, connoisseur, rate, rank, conclude, resolve; as well as criticize, belittle, and condemn.

while looking up bible verses related to judgement, i found this little gem in proverbs 31:9, 'open your mouth and JUDGE righteously...', showing that we are called to use sound judgement around others (the rest of the verse is talking about standing up for the poor and those who can not stand up for themselves) and to verbalize/speak up for what we KNOW is right, according to biblical principals. hebrews 5:14 states, 'but solid food belongs to the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.', the meaning of which is pretty clear to me. how can we know good from evil if we do not use judgement and use our judgement often?

other verses i found supporting 'judging' are (and i'm sure there are others out there):

**1 kings 3:9 - 'so give your servant a discerning mind so he can make judicial decisions for your people and distinguish right from wrong. otherwise no one is able to make judicial decisions for this great nation of yours.'

**proverbs 1:2 - 'to learn wisdom and moral instruction, and to discern wise counsel.'

**hosea 14:9 - 'who is wise? let him judge these things! who is discerning? let him understand them! for the ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them, but in them the rebellious stumble.'

**luke 12:56-57 - 'you hypocrites! you know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky, but how can you not know how to interpret the present time? and why do you not even on your own initiative judge what is right?' (this is direct anger about not analyzing our surroundings)

**john 7:24 - 'stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment.' (meaning that there is a right and a wrong choice)

**leviticus 19:15 - 'do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly.'

i found a few good articles as well and i would like to share them with you (they include additional scriptures and logical rationale). i hope you enjoy them and they help you when faced with the daunting 'judge not, lest you be judged' argument.

http://searchwarp.com/swa7061.htm (pay special attention to the referance of 1 corinthians 5)

http://provocativechristian.wordpress.com/2009/04/06/provocative-bible-verses-judge-not-lest-you-be-judged/

http://bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Topical.show/RTD/cgg/ID/1018/Judging-Others.htm


Lord, i pray to be humble when judging others for i know i am full of faults. grant me the wisdom neccessary to be Your discerning servant. amen

perfect motivation

motivation.

this has been on my mind a lot lately because i have been (hmmm... what's a nice way to say this? well... i'll go with) UNmotivated. yeah, slug would probably fit better, but i'm being kind to myself. i have not gotten much done. i have no ambition. i am unorganized. i have not wanted to clean. or cook. or even spend time on my hobbies. *sigh* can you relate?

it is bugging me. A LOT.

i don't know what my problem is. actually, i do, but i haven't wanted to examine the reason too closely. do i have a lot going on? sure. but no more than anyone else. being busy is a part of life. am i bored? no, not really. am i just 'lazy'? ouch! i hope that is not it. :)

oh, wait... am i waiting for everything to be perfect? yep, that might be it! perfectionism is debilitating. it is stopping me from enjoying time with my children; it is stopping me from getting things around the house accomplished. it is stopping me from even starting.

i am exposing myself and sharing this with you because it has got to stop. i need some motivation. i want to get things done. i do. i dont want to wait until the 'perfect' time and realize that i have not been a good steward of the time i was given.

i know i should 'just do it'; i can't. i am in a rut. i need some help.

i don't even have any words for you, Lord, but you know the longings of my heart. help me please to find joy in completing my work. give me satisfaction in my chores and motivation to work. thank you Father.


"No one will ever see me quit, because I simply won't. If I start something, I will finish it and do it well." ~Steve Belmarsh

happy birthday to me!

my birthday is later this month (but really, i consider the whole month mine. lol). here is a list of 31 things that i love/am grateful for/appreciate/make me happy for the (almost) 31 years i've lived:

1. worshipping my God and Creator
2. paul
3. evan and ryan
4. my extended family
5. my new wedding ring that i am not allergic to :D


6. all things summer - strawberry shortcake, lemonade, picking fresh fruit like watermelon and raspberries, making s'mores, camping, reading while on a boat, the smell of lilacs and cut grass, butterflies, the sun, clothes air drying on the line, bare feet, going to baseball games
7. facebook
8. my nickname from college, minie
9. when my children crawl into my bed in the morning and want to snuggle, even though they are getting older
10. knowing that there is eternal life in heaven! praise God for that!
11. the memories I can share with my children of my parents and grandparents, and the boys getting to spend time with them to create memories of their own
12. taking 'olde time' photos
13. stone churches with tall stained-glass windows; cast iron bathtubs on hardwood floors
14. going to lowe's to look at paint chips
15. the pleasure of singing a lullaby to my kids to calm them down and/or put them to sleep - evan's is "amazing grace" and ryan's is "as the deer"
16. skiing (although i never get to go anymore, i still love it), especially on days the pine trees are covered with ice
17. big bulky warm sweaters
18. fireplaces
19. my life verse (proverbs 31:30) - charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
20. comedians from 'blue collar radio' that make me laugh
21. my computer
22. grease 2, the notebook, steel magnolias
23. the vastness of the universe (and knowing that God was the very first scientist)

24. the immeasurable awe of having a Savior who not only hears my prayers but answers them
25. ruth chris steakhouse
26. sleepytime tea
27. eating warm chocolate chip cookies with milk right before bed
28. dancing to music from the 80s and 90s... you know: baby got back, cotton-eyed joe, funky cold medina, thriller, vanilla ice, etc :p
29. having a husband who is my very best friend and hanging out with him
30. friends the Lord has brought across my path
31. honeysuckle bushes

and a bonus couple, just because: richard marx, sauerkraut, books about dragons and vinegar-based cleaning supplies. :) have a great june everyone!